Dean Family - Victoria's Story - Year 1 2012

I want to say the first year after this tragic event happened was the hardest but the truth is - I don't remember. It's like a fog of regret, envy, and anger that surrounds your day to day and it makes it difficult to see all the damage happening around you. Either being caused by you, felt by you, or happening to you. Living in the same house, walking down the same street, seeing everyone look at you with sadness and empathy, it was too much to bare some days.

I do remember the first week the neighborhood got together and made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We would get a ring at our doorbell in the morning and no one would be there but there would be hot coffee and food. They provided an entire Thanksgiving meal for us since Thanksgiving was just a couple weeks away. It was truly a blessing and something that still means the world to me to this day.

It was a dark year, it was sad year, we cried, we screamed, we tried to get up each day but everyday was harder then the next and after sometime it just turned into a blur. I worked more to occupy my mind and try to displace my emotions, if even for a few hours. I missed out on my other children and all they had going on in their lives. Making the regret even stronger as I put more responsibility onto their shoulders to be able to help where Dad and I could no longer manage. It was not the right thing to do and I am so sorry they had to experience any of it, but they did, and they never complained about it once.

It was them that got me through the first year. My other children, wounded, broken, in need of support and guidance I could not provide; as I was going through it too. I wish everyday I was stronger, that we could have coped differently but we didn't.

We didn't have anyone who could say 'I've been through that, this is what you should do...' so we did what we could at the time and just waited for tomorrow.

#waiting #WUTDay #WUT #supportmentalhealthawareness